Closet Extremist

Friday, April 09, 2004
  I've somehow gained a few readers.....

Wonder how that happened?

It's no wonder that even my own Pappy won't link to me, without I have to trick him into it. I'm "boring."

Now I can take being called many things, but when you call me a "Liberal" then It's On! (Harvey called me that in a comment to this post.)

I threw down a gauntlet at the time, and (just as I figured) he's completely wussed out. I even offerred to share my booze with him, but nothing doing. Well, that's just not gonna do! I demand satisfaction. Beer bottles at twenty paces is what I want. If he won't face me, then I'll just start winging bottles into the elementary school playground, and I'm sure that nobody wants that. If there is no responce from him within 48 hours, I'm changing his link to read Nancy-Boy. I'm not kiddin'.

posted by Johnny - Oh

P.S. I'm looking for a "second" for the duel. Willie, are you up for it? 


  Aparrently I'm worthy.

Well, folks. It looks like I'm soon to be a Munuvian (If you don't already know what a Munuvian is, SHAME on YOU.), and I'm really looking forward to it. I have already been wanting to change things, and have a little more ability than blogspot can give me, and this is a damn fine opportunity. I'll post the URL as soon as it's set up. Many thanks and all that go to, Madfish Willie, and of course Pixy Misa for the invite.

I'll keep you posted.

posted by Johnny - Oh 


Thursday, April 08, 2004
  I am an "assertive" driver.

I am an “Assertive” driver.

As long as I’m on four wheels. “Two wheels” is a completely different thing, and I’ll get to it in a minute. The American Heritage Dictionary defines assertive as: Inclined to bold or confident assertion; aggressively self-assured, and this defines me perfectly behind the wheel. I am extremely confident (in my own abilities) when I’m driving. Other people…not so much. (Hey, I don’t know those people.)

The speed limit, for me, is not even merely a guideline, it’s something I view with disdain.70 mph? Mheh, I say. I’m also liable to add in the occasional “Piffle”, depending on my mood. Before I moved back to Knoxville, from Nashville, I made a trip “home” at least once every two weeks…averaging 45 seconds a mile.

What I’m trying to say is: I drive fast, but not dangerously. I realize that this may seem like a contradiction, but bear with me for a minute and let me explain. When the road is clear ahead of me, I’ll break 100 mph in a heartbeat, but if there is no room, I’ll hang back a little from the vehicle in front. I don’t tailgate at all unless I have been behind you in the fast lane for at least a minute, and I can see that there’s nothing ahead of you. (I run the Interstate with my headlights on at all times, so there’s no reason for you not to notice me behind you.) I don’t eat and drive, I don’t talk on the cell and drive, all I do is smoke cigarettes, jam on the stereo, and PAY ATTENTION.

Sure, I pass on the right, because the other drivers out there force me to. I always use my turn signals, so that other drivers know my intentions. I always slow down when driving conditions get treacherous (but only down to the speed limit, unless things are really hairy). My head is constantly on a swivel, looking out for the constabulary, the next turn or dip in the road, other drivers, and pretty much anything out there that might impede my progress. I don’t give people dirty looks, and I have the utmost respect for other folks’ right to use the same road I’m currently using.

I hope I’m not jinxing myself by saying this, but I haven’t had an auto accident in over 13 years. Despite my proclivity to run “faster than a raped ape.” I’m not reckless at all. I plan every move, make a decision, and fucking stick to it. Decisive. Aware. It’s the most “alive” that I generally feel. Outside of on 2 wheels. (Still to come)

A few simple rules:

1.) It’s your responsibility to reach the speed of traffic when entering the Interstate. In other words: when you are on that entrance ramp, you should have your foot pressed firmly to the floor until your vehicle is traveling at the same speed as the traffic on the highway.

2.) Vehicles already on the road automatically have the right of way. In other word: don’t expect me to make a hole for you if you are moving too slow, or don’t have your turn indicator on. If you don’t signify to me in some way that you’d like to be up on the same road as I am, don’t expect me to read your mind.

3.) If it comes to pass that I am on your bumper, get out of my way. In other words: I have better things to do with my life than wasting it waiting for you to get the hell out of my way.

BTW, I do all of this in a MiniVan.

(Finally) On a scooter, all bets are off.

I’ve been riding motorcycles since I was 15 years of age. As I like to say it: “My first car had 2 wheels.” My stomping grounds are the Deal’s Gap Dragon. This is a serious stretch of road. I describe it to people like this: "You will wear out your battery, blowing your horn at your own taillight. It's so twisty." I'v eridden it more times than I care to think about, and loved it every ride. Put me on 2 wheel's, and I am an instant adrenaline junky.

The rules are as follows: There are no rules.

I'll pass you any way I can. Inside-outside, wrong side of the road, on the line (white or yellow, dotted or double), it doesn't matter. Obviously I've crashed a few bikes. Only once into another vehicle though, and that was when I was 16. I've passed 2 semi's right beside one another on the dotted line. I've passed Maita's and Z3's in the Gap. I've dragged a peg or two in the process. I learned it all from my Dad, who was an MSF instructor.

Strange ain't it?

posted by Johnny - Oh


  Nyah, Nyah, Nyah

I just posted the three hundredth comment at Madfish Willie's Comment Party. I did it the cheap way, and I feel bad about that......Bwah HA HA HA ha hrmn cough cough. Sorry, I could't hold a straight face.

Where' my linky Harv?

posted by Johnny - Oh 


Wednesday, April 07, 2004
  I need to clean the saccharine out of my keyboard.

I just submitted my entry to be a judge for the "IMAO T-shirt Babe Contest", and I'm here to tell you that I have never sucked up to someone like that in my life.

I only bent my head down in order to get a chance to ogle some "Hot Conservative Chicks", which seem to be hard to find, and a potential Permalink. I never knew that being a "link whore" would take so much out of me. I think I'll go take a shower now, but I'm not sure if I'll ever get this greasy feeling off of me.

All thanks to Harvey for showing me the way.

posted by Johnny - Oh 


  I've been submitted...

...to become a card carrying member of the Rocky Top Brigade, but I fear that I might not meet one of the most important criterion. You see, I'm not much of a UT Volunteer fan.

WHAT!?!? you say? How on Earth can you live in Knoxville, TN and NOT be a Vol fan? Well it's not easy.

Lewis Grizzard once said that Vol fans "are the most obnoxious football fans on the face of the planet" (or something like that), and I am completely unable to disagree with him. You see, UT athletics really is a religion around here. People custom-order cars with the team colors, have thier boats painted in team colors, and thier entire wardrobe's contain absolutely nothing without the team's logo. You can't turn on the radio, or watch the news, without hearing some mention of the team. People around here put the "atic" back on the end of "Fan".

I'm just not that way. Sure I like sports as much as the next guy, and I'm not above rooting for the team, but I'll never be nearly as passionate about the Vols as even the "average" fan is. I hope this doesn't disqualify me for membership, but I don't hold out much hope.

posted by Johnny - Oh

Update: Where's my head? It was Uncle who submitted me. Credit where credit is due, and all that.  


  The ACLU is at it again.

Please see this story. ACLU to sue government over "No Fly" list.

Here's the quote I want to talk about:

"Few would line up in sympathy for a trial lawyer delayed for a few minutes at the airport every time he wants to hop on the plane," Nelson said in an interview. "But surely it affects individuals of color disproportionately, individuals of Arab descent or who practice the Muslim religion, and it's very much those people on my mind when I volunteered to be a named plaintiff."

Hey guess what Mr. Nelson, "People of Color" (ie: non-whites), "Individuals of Arab Descent", and people who "practice the Muslim Religion", are the ones most likely to commit acts of terrorism nowadays. With the fact that your name matches another's on the "No Fly List", you're lucky that the paranoia that the average populace feels about terrorism doesn't land you in a jail cell every time you try to fly.

Personally, I'd be just as pissed as you are if I was detained every time I tried to fly, but I certainly wouldn't go to the ACLU for a little law-suit action over it. Besides, if you want to sue someone over your perceived persecution, how about filing suit against Al-Queda, or Hamas, or even Osama Bin Laden over it. They're more likely to be the cause of your problems than the US Government.

posted by Johnny - Oh 


Tuesday, April 06, 2004
  So how'd I do?

I know there's only been a few posts here, but I've been steadily drinking throughout the evening. I've gone through approximately 1/4 of a 1.75 Liter bottle of 80 proof bourbon (Very Old Barton for the curious. It's cheap. Remember I'm working retail here.) and 4 beers. I think I've done a bang up job so far....Very few spelling mistakes, a range of subject matter, and a little bit of vitriol when necessary.

Let me know if I now "Suck like an Electrolux", or I'm now your "new hero." Either which, I'm glad to have you aboard.

Off to pass out sleep now.

posted by Johnny - Oh 


  I don't know what this means

It seems that since I started this here blog, I've suddenly become more interested in playing my guitar. I'm not sure if it's merely the creative juices that started flowing are overflowing like the bubbly in one of those champagne glass pyramids that you find at a swanky black tie party, or if it's just time to pick the damn thing up. For those who are curious, I am a terrible guitar player. I often lose my place in the song, and if I don't, my fingers don't go the correct place on the fretboard. This sucks extremely bad because I love the guitar.

So..."How do you get to Carnegie Hall?"...I'll be the first to admit to you that I don't practice nearly enough. Practice is boring! I don't want to spend my time playing myxolydian scales over and over, dammit i want to be a guitar genious right now!....Therefore I remain a terrible player at best. The only saving grace that I've got is that I can play all the "open" chords without thinking now, and I had a friend teach me that a "one, four, five" is the key to most songs.

Let me elaborate on the "one, four, five" concept for a bit: There are seven basic chords to a guitar, and they are listed as:

A,B,C,D,E,F,and G

If you can play these chords, you can write/play along with a lot of the songs out there today. A 1,4,5 is simply this: If you start with any chord as the basis of your tune, playing the fourth and fifith chord from the beginning chord will sound good.

ex: Start with A, both D and E will sound okay:


This is not the most common combination out there, but it is still used.

Start with G, both C and D will sound good:


You will hear this combination in most any "Hootie and the Blowfish" cut you've ever heard.

Also, startin with E, both A and B will work:


This one is used in so many blues songs it's not even funny.

Anyhow, this is how I muddle through with the guitar. Anytime I need to just "release" I'll pick up my axe and wail out something that includes a "1,4,5" and feel better about life in general. If you've ever wondered where the saying "three chords and the truth" came from...Now you know.

posted by Johnny - Oh 


  Current Playlist...

Here's what's in the old 5-disc changer this fine evening:

1.) Grand Funk Railroad: Collector's Series
Lots of great sing along's, and toe-tapper's, and the best version of "feelin' alright" I've ever heard.

2.) Kid Rock: Devil Without a Cause
A great record! Pretty much the whole first half of the CD is worth listening to IMHO.

3.) The Crow: "City of Angels" soundtrack
Terrible movie (no Brandon Lee), but a wonderful soundtrack. Hole, White Zombie, Filter, Bush, Korn, Iggy Pop, and an outstanding tune by Linda Perry featuring Grace slick called "Knock Me Out", that never fails to.

4.) Sting: Brand New Day
"Desert Rose" makes me think about the guys over in the sandbox. "Brand New Day" reminds me of a lot of mistakes I've made in past relationships. "Fill Her Up" is a crazy song that really shows Sting's range in musical talent. Starts off as a "Country" song, (Steel guitar and everything), evolves into a gospel tune, and then finishes up in a kind of freeform Jazz. Definately not a song for the musically pigeon-holed.

5.) Scott Miller & The Commonwealth: Thus Always To Tyrants
Scott is very popular in the Knoxville area. He hails from Virginia, and is (I guess) a sort of "Pop Folk" artist. His vocals are very distinctive, from his hit single "I Made a Mess of This Town" (Which is more of a Rock tune), to "Highland County Boy" which is just him, a harmonica, and a foot stomping. I had a chance to hang out and drink beer with him backstage after one of his shows, and he came off as a really nice guy.

I'm sure that I've violated some certain rules of "netiquette" by not posting links to all the bands, but that's just too much work for a "what I'm listening to" post.

posted by Johnny - Oh

P.S. BTW RIAA. These are all legally purchased copies of the cd's, so get off my back.  


  Al Sadr is doing exactly what I want him to.

In regards to this story.

He is firing up a whole lot of people over there who are against our cause, and they are coming out of the woodwork and attacking us. This is exactly what I want to happen. Of course, all the headlines are about how many American's and Coalition forces are getting killed in the process, and I'm sorry that those fine young folks have lost thier lives. The real point here is that the people who are against us are coming out of thier hiding places to attack us, instead of cowering in thier holes until they feel the time is right to pop up, shoot at us, and then hide behind inocents.

I prefer them to come out of hiding and engage our boys and girls over there. Especially those fine Marines of the First Expeditionary Force. I have faith that those kids can go toe to toe with anything the Evil Iraqis(tm) can throw at them. If they continue to come out, and attempt to deport themselves like a "Real" army, we'll hand thier heads to them every time. Please Al Sadr, keep sending them out. We'll keep mowing them down. Soon there won't be anyone else to send out, and we can truly pacify the regions currently in dispute. I'm sure that there are plenty of Iraqi citizens, who are with us 100%, who will be very happy to move thier family into your now empty house.

Keep directly fighting our Marines. Sure, you'll get a few of ours, but I am confident that we'll get so many of you that you will no longer be able to wage war in very short order. Thanks for the help in finding your guys, I'll take all we can get.

posted by Johnny - Oh

Update: I swear to any diety you wish that I didn't read this, before writing what I did above. Same premise, just orders of magnitude more eloquently written.  


  I finally lost a post

This one was totally brilliant too. Sure to send my personal star so far into the firmament that I would be renowned both Thither and Yon. Alas this exemplary piece of writing is lost to the ether, or the vagaries of the Linksys router that decided to disconnect me for some reason. But I will press on. My determination is steadfast, and my will is greater than any simple pile of transistors and sundry wiring. I will prevail!

But I won't try to recreate that post. It would only be a feeble facsimile of the original. I guess this should be impetus for me to write more huh?

I have decided that tonight would be a wonderful time to just get stinkin' drunk. I am off of work tomorrow, so I'll have time to recover. Therefore, for your amusement, I'll be blogging and commenting as frequently as I can bring myself to this fine evening. Let's all see together whether or not my invective will hold up while I'm innebriated. Should be fun.

posted by Johnny -Oh 


  I knew I was forgetting something

This post reminded me that I don't have Steven Den Beste's USS Clueless on my blogroll. This matter has been summarily corrected. That is all.

posted by Johnny - Oh 


  Obligatory "About Me" post

I guess this is past due so here goes.

I am a 33 year-old single white male.

I drink bourbon and smoke cigarettes.

I live in Knoxville, TN.

I have lived in: Johnson City, NY., Owego, NY., Murfreesboro, TN., Chattanooga, TN., Nashville, TN., Atlanta, GA., Chicago, IL., Groton, CT., Fayetteville, NC., and Cedar Rapids, IA.

My profession's have been: Asst. Manager of a fast food restaurant, UFTG US Navy, sun-room builder, commercial masonry laborer, parts man for a Honda dealership, warehouse manager for a home electronics repair shop, Tech support agent for a software company and an ISP, Supervisor for both of the previous, Operation's Analyst for a customer contact outsourcer, and currently in the lawn and garden dept. for a major retailer.

People say I look a little like Tim Curry and/or the lead guitar player for Metallica.

My favorite sports are: Racing (motorcyle road racing, Formula 1, Rally, NASCAR), Hockey, Baseball, and football. In that order. I cannot be considered a "Fanatic" of any of these activities. (I don't generally watch stats, and I won't go into mourning if I miss a race or my guy doesn't win.)

I ride (well rode, I'm still saving for a new bike) Motorcycle's, Shoot Pool , and now I blog.

I'll update this more as things change, or I think of anything else that should be here.

posted by Johnny - Oh 


Monday, April 05, 2004
  I can't disagree with him, but...

...his post made me want to flesh out a few more ideas. Here's the part that got me going:

Look, I know that the people in the White House can never, ever say that the real reason we went into Iraq was because Saddam tried to put the hit on Dubya's dad. But can the rest of us just stop pretending it was anything more than that? Please? And remember, I supported going into Iraq (on the grounds that Saddam was about 12 years past his expiration date), so I don't think I can just be written off as another liberal whiner on this point. I supported our president's decision to go to war on Iraq. I had absolutely no illusions as to why he decided to do it. Indeed, I submit that had 9/11 never happened, we'd still have had tanks trundling through Baghdad one way or another -- because Dubya would have found a way to make it happen. It was personal. Saddam was dead meat as soon as the Supreme Court gave Dubya the keys to the White House. Please, please, please let's all just agree on this so we can move on.

Try as I might, I can't fault his thinking here. My first gut reaction was to say that John's fulla shit, and that he's missing the point, but curse him, he's not. The 9/11 attacks were the perfect excuse for Dubya to go in there and take out Saddam with the blessings of the American citizenry. However, I believe that it is that very blessing that has changed the whole direction of this particular war. Your average American walking the streets, is fully prepared to believe that we went into Iraq to stop terrorism, and due to that, that is what our mission has become. It's a long term goal to be sure, but it's the best reason for us to stay in there and fight the good fight.

The thing to remember here is not the reason why we went in there, but the current objective. If we can convince the Iraqi's that some form of Liberal Democracy is the best way to govern themselves, and they are able to implement it successfully, there is an incredible amount of potential to stabilize the Middle-East. The problem is that the majority of those same Americans believe that we should be able to do this without any additional loss of life (on our side or thiers). This is so incredibly naieve that it borders on stupidity. We are trying to change a primarily Muslim, previously Theocratic Dictatorship, with a mostly ignorant citizenry, into a system based on our model. Of course, there's going to be trouble. The Muslim's have differing factions that will be at each other's throats, they've got to set up a secular education sytem for their children, and they've got to find a strong leader who does not have absolute power. Our new goal is to help them do it. Not an easy task, nor one conducive to "can't we all just get along" type sit ins. People are going to die.

What I believe John is trying to make clear here, is the fact that the reason we went into Iraq is now a moot point. We're there now, and leaving would just allow some different Saddam to sweep in, take over, and none of our problems with the area go away. The feeling I get from most "Warbloggers" and those of a generally conservative bent, is that they are focused on staying the course, and "who gives a damn about why we went there to begin with." Most of them have figured out that the situation has changed from a personal vendetta, to a possible solution to the whole Middle-East = terrorist breeding ground issue. All we are now doing is attempting to provide a secure enough infrastructure so that they can set up a government that can be recognized as an ally to our way of life. The kicker is that they have to set it up. We are nudging them in the direction that we want them to go, but if the Iraqi people don't put it in place for themselves, they won't defend it, and that is the real goal.

I can foresee a situation where we wind up creating another Isreal, but without all the "zionist conspiracy" bullshit to muddy the waters. The Iraqi's wind up being target #1 in our stead, and we provide them with the means to defend themselves. The religious factions continue to intermingle across the borders, and the other people's of the region can begin to hear about how much better Democtratic Freedom is over Theocratic Autocracy. After a few generations, we can hope to see the people of the surrounding countries rise up against thier current leaders, and install governments that we can work with also. This is not a fast process, and there will be quite a few lives lost on the way, but despite our reasoning for going there in the first place, I believe that this is the current goal, and a good one. That, and it's the only way we are ever going to get all these folks to change thier minds about us.

posted by Johnny - Oh 


Sunday, April 04, 2004
  Stickler for detail

I trust that everyone has set their clocks forward an hour? Good, because I hate it when people are lagging behind. I remembered last night, and was successful in getting all my non-automated clocks moved forward, but it appears that there is only one of my automated clocks that has figured out the time change. Surprisingly it was the VCR. Neither the digital cable receiver nor the cell phone have changed back to Eastern Standard Time. Wierd I tells ya. I would have thought that the VCR would have been the last to change over due to the fact that it pulls its time from the local PBS station, whereas the cable is Charter, and the cell is Verizon. I find it disheartening that 2 major corporations couldn't get thier shit together enough to have thier time-carrier updated, when the Government subsidized TV station gets it right in one.

Anyhow, we can all go back to using the abbreviation "EST" instead of the clunky "EDT." What? You say you've been using "EST" for the past few months? Shame on you! You should know the difference dammit! Beware folks, the "Correct Time Nazi" is now here, and he is ever vigilant!

posted by Johnny - Oh 


He thought if discretion is the better part of valor, and cowardice is the better part of discretion, then he would "Valiantly" hide in a closet. (misquoted from Douglas Adams)


03/28/2004 - 04/04/2004 / 04/04/2004 - 04/11/2004 / 04/11/2004 - 04/18/2004 /

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