Closet Extremist

Saturday, April 03, 2004
  A chill ran through me on April first...

...and I had no idea why. I thought maybe a goose walked over my grave, or maybe a zombie was considering me for his next snack. Could it have been that I had just forgotten my jacket and there was a slight breeze? At the time I didn't know any better, and just got on with living the rest of my life. Eating, sleeping, laughing, crying, loving, hating, kitten birth, and masturbation. Little did I know that this was the cause of my unease.

4/1/04 Never forget.

posted by (a softly weeping) Johnny - Oh 


  I hate working weekends

Especially when I have to go in at 2pm, and stay until 11pm. Off to "Triple S" * and then to work.

posted by Johnny - Oh

* for those who've never been in the military, that's Shit, Shower, and Shave. 


  I am so ashamed

Friends, I stand here before you today to tell you that I am a filthy liar.

You see, 6 or 8 month's ago I told Frank J. (in a comment to one of his posts) that if I ever started a blog, he would be the first I linked to. I didn't do that. I mean, I didn't even get close to doing that. How am I going to be able to look myself in the mirror for the rest of my life knowing that I have let the fearless leader of the Alliance down?

Is it possible to get any forgiveness? Is there anything I can do to atone? I will commence beating myself with a homemade Cluebat (tm) until a proper punishment can be levee'd against me.

posted (in shame) by Johnny - Oh

Update: I just sent an email to Frank about what type of punishment I should expect. Check the next "Frank Answers" for results if any.  


  It's quints!

The "Fuzzmeister" had her kittens last night. Four cute little kitties, and all are doing quite well. :)

The best part of this whole thing is that my good name has been cleared. You see, the roommate's wife had accused ME of being the father. Now I'll freely admit that I'm not against gettin' a little "freaky" now and then, but even I draw the line at critters. Any mammal that cannot clearly enunciate that they're ready for a little "Bowm-chicka-bowmbowm" is strictly off limits. Luckily I have very dark hair, and the roommate's is predominantly grey. Lo' and behold, all four of them kittens have striped grey/black hair. Vindication! The downside of this is that I'll now have to keep close tabs on the roomate. :)

BTW for those who are interested: It was the soundtrack to "A Mighty Wind" that finally got the labor under way. Who knew that Christopher Guest, et al. had such power over the female uterus?

posted by Johnny - Oh 


Friday, April 02, 2004
  Make sure to remain afraid people.

Why the hell is this a story?

FBI (news - web sites) and Homeland Security Department officials said they had received uncorroborated intelligence reports about a plot by terrorists to target commercial transportation systems. The bulletin, issued late Thursday, mentioned no specific cities or dates and did not elaborate on the source of the information.

Is it just me, or has pretty much everyone else in the free (or not so free) world already figured out that terrorists want to kill Americans? Hmmn, and what is your average terrorist's Modus Operandi? Could it be something like...

bombs hidden in bags or luggage ??

Now I'm all for remaining vigilant and watching out for things that look amiss, but I'm just not prepared to look in every unspecified city, on every unspecified date, for things that pertain to uncorroborated reports. This entire story is nothing but 20 paragraphs of complete bullshit. Well polished bullshit to be sure, but a polished turd is still a turd. I guess that the Associated Press is really hurting for stories, so they figure they'll stir up all the lemmings out there with another round of "Death is at you doorstep."

What bothers me is that people will actually get stirred up by this kind of thing. They're the same type of people that would get upset if you walked up to them and said something like, "I heard a report from a guy that on a Saturday night there will potentially be a drunk driver who might run into you and your family, the results of which may be injury or death." What kind of editor lets this idiocy turn into an actual story? I mean that the lines for this type of story are so far apart that it only takes a glance to "read between" them. We got nothin' so.....Booga! Booga!. I wonder what kind of water cooler talk I'll hear about this "story?" I hope someone says something about it to me, I'm in the mood to give someone a well needed correction.

posted by Johnny - Oh 


  Cat & Dog sitting...

Well, my roomate and his wifey left to take their daughter to her first parade as a cheerleader, and I'm holding down the fort. Part of my duties today, are to make sure that the cat and dog remain properly entertained. I can only pray that they don't suffer from pattern deafness due to my indiscretions this day. You see, I like music.....LOUD music. I cannot indulge myself in this very often, therefore when I get the house to myself for awhile, the speakers get turned up to 11!

I also play a little guitar (no not a Ukelele, idiot), so I find myself playing along with the "Good" songs. (The definition of a "Good" song is: any song I can play along with.) The poor puppy is a miniature dachsund named Hobbit, and he is also known as "All the Love All the Time Hobbit" as he is very needful of attention. It pisses him off when I'm sitting here blogging due to the fact that I can't have him in my lap and type at the same time. Luckily, he is scared to death of my guitar, so that's a sure way to get him out of the room. Hmm, I wonder if that's just a commentary on my playing skills. I'll ask him later.

Now the cat is just a plain old black cat. Why he named her "Fuzzball" is probably obvious. (At least he didn't name her Fluffy.) The poor thing is currently in the latter stages of her pregnancy, and we expect her to literally explode with kittens anytime. Normally she is very aloof towards me and maintains a sort of "Don't step on me and I'll let you live" kind of attitude. This is fine with me, as I am generally not much of a cat person. I can live with them (obviously), but I would never own one of my own. The problem with this one is that due to some strange hormonal imbalance, I am now the center of her world. Those little green eyes have been almost constantly staring up at me today, and I've been peppered with so many "meow's" that say "get these damn things OUT of me" that I'm tempted to fetch a wooden spoon from the kitchen and just get to work.

At least she doesn't leave the room when I'm playing my guitar. Maybe cats have a little class after all.

posted by Johnny - Oh

P.S. I'll let you know if Grand Funk Railroad or Pure Prairie League will induce labor.  


  Interesting listen

I went over to Lilecks' site for my week-daily read, and ran across his link to one of Hugh Hewitt's radio shows. This particular show includes Lilecks and Glenn Reynolds of Instapundit. It's enlightening to hear these blog mavens talk about the blogosphere, instead of just reading their sites. If you've got a decent web connection, and a little time. Check it out at KLRA. Just click on the "Today's show" link below Hugh's picture.

Update: They even have Roger Simon on the show.

posted by Johnny - Oh 


  The ADD phenomenon

So what is it that makes us drug up our children? Is it that it's much easier to just pop a few pills into them instead of trying to engage their brains? I recall being 8 or 9 years old, and instead of paying attention to the lesson in class, I was reading an Alan Dean Foster novel. It wasn't that the book was the best thing I'd ever read, it's just that the class was boring the hell out of me. This was at least the third time we'd been through the same subject, so I found something else to take up the time. No harm, no foul. I still managed to get out of the grade with an A average.

Nowaday's though, if I'd been caught reading a book not supplied by the shool during class, they'd be shoving so many pills down my throat I'd still be coming down off the buzz. Now I don't want to sound like a braggart here, but according to an aggregate of several online IQ tests, I come in around 165 or so. Take that into account with my A.S.V.A.B. (Armed Services Vocational Aptitude Battery) score of 99 out of a possible 100, and I think it's reasonable to say that my brain actually works. It's a little more difficult to tell when you're 9, but I still think that maybe teachers and parents should consider the fact that the child might actually be intelligent before drugging them to oblivion. I know, I know, that would require some effort to be put forth from a busy adult, but who knows?

I just can't abide the fact that these people are stifling a potentially brilliant mind, before it even gets the chance to begin to realize its potential. It's morally and socially irresponsible. Friends don't let friends do drugs? But it's okay for the parent/offspring relationship. Give me a break people. Make an effort.

posted by Johnny - Oh 


  I mean....Just...Wow! Susie over at Practical Penumbra not only linked to me, but gave me my Own category on her blogroll. I mean I knew I was good, but I never expected something so sweet. Thanks for the warm welcome. I'll be sure to stalk visit you often.

posted by Johnny - Oh 


  Hey kids, You like the Photoshop?

If you've never been to Something Awful, and experienced a Photoshop Phriday you really should take your butt over there.

Lots of images, and every week I find something there that makes me chuckle. Enjoy!

posted by Johnny - Oh 


Thursday, April 01, 2004
  I've been outed!

Well the blog daddy Harvey went and linked to a post of mine. I guess this is what the Big Time feels like. I'm on my way and there's no stoppin' me. I'm gonna be the next Tim Curry/Stephen King's second cousin! You just wait!

posted by Johnny - Oh 


  Ominous portents.

I'm sure that this news story Gruesome Iraq Images Could Shake U.S. Opinion will be the nail in the coffin for the Bush campaign. Just shut down the whole works now. I mean who knew that these people could be ignorant and brutal in the extreme? I know I was shocked. (/sarcasm)

I've said before (not here obviously) that the only way to make peace in the middle east is to "Force Freedom" on them. That's what we are in the process of doing. If we pull out like we did in Mogadishu, this whole effort will have been wasted, and it'll be much harder next time.

I'm terribly sorry about the fate of these four soldiers. It makes me want to force a little more freedom on them, and do it indiscrimenantly in the greater Faluja area. But alas, we are a civilized people, and we give them treatment unlike what they so richly deserve. It would also be counter-productive to the cause. Maybe if we do like we've done with Isreal...arm the piss out of the good guys, and then turn them loose to fight for their own freedom. Who know's?

posted by Johnny - Oh 


  The Gay Marriage post I promised you.

So I've stated that I support gay marriage. This may seem contrary to most Right-leaning people, but being an athiest gives me kind of a different take on the subject. I look at the historical similarities between homosexual behaviour, and the stigma against pork that jewish folks have. The rule about no pork is so simple to figure out that I'm surprised that more people don't comment on it. Eat too old, or improperly prepared pork, and you die. (I can't remember the name of the disease. I always think of Salmonella, but I know that's from chickens.) Now back when this rule was put in place, that one or two extra kids around the house could mean the difference between life or death for the whole family or tribe. The thing about gay people is that they are causing the same problem on the front end of the equation, instead of the back end (kinda sounds weird after rereading that). Instead of ending needed lives prematurely, they are not even starting them in the first place. Same problem, just a different way of getting there. Also (aside from the practical matter of survival of survival of the species) there's the whole "Eeeeeeewww" factor.

Now all of us know that gay folks are to be found all throughout history. They are mentioned in a ton of historic manuscripts, not the least of which, the Bible. This makes me believe that there is a certain built-in thing to us homo sapiens that says that some of us are going to gravitate towards members of the same sex. Whether it's voluntary or genetic really has nothing to do with it. They've been around long enough for us heteros to have realised that they're not going to go away. Okay let's fast forward 2 or 3 thousand years.

I believe that everyone can agree that a large percentage of gay people are very sexually promiscuous, right? Why is that? Could it have something to do with the fact that their behavior has been socially demonized for so long? I liken it to the "Catholic Schoolgirl" syndrome. Whereas, someone who has been under strict supervision for the majority of their developing years, suddenly gains a lot of freedom (off to college, etc) and bam! They just go nuts and engage in a wild revelry of experimentation with everyone and everything they can get their hands on. Some recover, some don't. Most of the "schoolgirls" do recover, because they actually have a chance to pick a proper mate and settle down. Gays have never had that opportunity, therefore they keep up their wild ways, and end up spreading some of the worst diseases around.

I think that the best reason to allow gay marraiges is because it's never been tried (as far as I know). We can get rid of a lot of civil unrest from that quarter, and it also has the potential to get a percentage of gay people to settle down who never would have. Monogamous relationships = less hanky panky. Less hanky panky = decrease in the spread of disease. Calmer citizenry, less disease, it's a win/win scenario. It's never been tried, so who's to say it won't work?

We all know that a nice "Barbecue Pork-Pig Sandwich" is very unlikely to kill us nowadays, so why can't we accept the fact that with the world's population steadily growing, gays are not going to increase that problem much at all. Get over the "Eeeeewww" factor if you can. You don't have to watch them do it, and you will be less likely to run accross a couple of sweating businessmen in the locker room at the gym if they can do it in the privacy of their own wedded home. Let's just update our thinking a little bit, and give them a chance.

posted by Johnny - Oh



Wednesday, March 31, 2004
  So what kind of blogger are you, Johnny?

Well I'll tell you pilgrim. It is most likely that I won't wind up shoehorned into any specific category. That's my intention at least.

I am a generally right-leaning, conservative (in the current-popular instead of the literal definition) type of individual, who has an interest in politics. Is politics my life-blood? Well....not as such.

I am a staunch supporter of the Second Amendment. I think that you are welcome to not own a weapon if you so choose, but the Constitution of the United States gives all of us the Right to them. Whether it scares you or not.

I am an athiest. Don't get me wrong here, I think that religion has its place and faith can move mountains, but just because you happen to hold to the tenets of your preferred faith, that doesn't make me a "heretic." Please extend me the same courtesy. The only thing that upsets me about being an athiest is the fact that I cannot run for the legislature in the state of Tennessee. It says right in the state Constitution that you cannot run for office if you don't believe in "God" so I'm out right there. Bummer. Besides, I'm not a lawyer so I think that government service is not in my near future.

I am ex-Navy, so I am very sympathetic to the "Military" point of view, but I know that I don't have the right type of disposition to put up with the bullshit that those fine folks have to every day.

I enjoy history. Studying it and trying to find my place in it. I also attempt to apply lessons learned from other people's mistakes.

I believe that the First Amendment is the key to our society. Anyone has the right to express their opinion, and everyone has the right to ignore said opinion. Libel and slander (ie.outright lying) are not things that are protected by the First Amendment.

If I'm wrong about something (and you are the one to point it out), I will freely admit my fallability (and give you credit for steering me onto the correct path).

I think that Isreal has some of the bravest and most compassionate citizenry, until you try to blow them up. I also think that they are some of the most patient folks on the face of the planet. Any other country would have either blown the palistinians off the planet, or completely capitulated to them by now. They haven't. Good folks.

I think that gay people should be allowed to marry. I'll create a special post on this subject sometime soon. (I know, I know. everyone's already been over this subject, but I just started this blog.)

I believe that this covered most of the big topics out there, and you'll here from me about all the rest as they coime to me.

posted by Johnny - Oh



  Have you ever been disrespected just because you are in a certain profession?

I certainly have, and it pisses me right the hell off! Let me give you a little background before the scenario.... I am a professional techno-geek Supervisor/Analyst who left his last job because it was too far away from home (ie. 250 miles away), and I felt my career was stalling, so I quit and moved back home (Knoxville, TN). After I'd taken some time to get my head together, I started the job search and found that the well is pretty dry around here for someone of my experience. So, when the money started to get a little tight, I went and applied at my local large chain retailer. I am currently employed in the Lawn and Garden Department, and outside of the pittance of a salary, the job's not so bad. That should get everyone up to speed so...

Since it is now (obviously) Springtime (tm) our department is Extremely busy. So while I am working to assist one customer with her purchase, another customer asks me if I can price check an item for him. I say "Certainly Sir, just as soon as I'm done helping this nice lady", which is what I proceeded to do. About 4 minutes later, I return to the area where the gentleman who needed the price checked WAS, and found one of my coworkers had assisted him. (here's the part that gets my goat) My coworker decides that this is the time to teach me that when a customer asks about the price of a particular item (in this case a 50 lb. bag of grass seed) that I should "look for the little tag, see it's right here, and get a piece of paper and write down the number underneath the little lines."

Okay, how many of you out there already figured out that he is talking about the Fucking BAR CODE? This nitwit automatically assumed that I had no idea what I was doing, instead of engaging a few brain cells and actually noticing that I (and everyone else for that matter) am busy. Now, I understand that I have only been working there two weeks, but come on. Who the hell Doesn't know that a bar code is what makes the little machine that that takes the money go "boop", and the little lines are just representations of the numbers written below them? I'm sure that everyone has run across an individual in a retail store in which "Cross-eyed and droolin' " is his/her natural state, but it is my contention that you've got to be a special kind of stupid to not know what a bar code is. That asswad just automatically intuited that I only have 2 brain cells, one blond and one tired. I'm telling you folks. If you want to get waaay under my skin, just go ahead and assume that I am ignorant before you actually find out if I know anything or not. If (after such an episode) you find that you have to wait for me to shit out your head after I've bitten it off, don't come bitching to me.

i'm just saying that you really should give people the benefit of the doubt, before going off half-cocked. Wait for them to prove their ignorance/stupidity before giving them information. For the love of all that is holy, just give them a chance. If they fuck it up, then help 'em. They'll learn a lot more from their mistake, and you'll decrease the risk of becoming a "shithead" literally.

I'm not sayin' nothin'...I'm just sayin'

posted by Johnny-Oh 


  Well, I thought that it was about time to come out of the closet. My name's Johnny, and I'll be your extremist today. Please return all seat backs and tray tables to their full upright and locked position, and keep all arms and legs inside while the vehicle is in motion. Cell phone use in not allowed while the film is running, and the baccarat tables are half-price for our honored guests.

Since this is my first post on my first blog, I don't expect anyone to come here for awhile. But...I have plans to move this thing up the charts so far that I won't even be able to remember the little people I stepped on to get there. :)

All thanks to Harvey of Bad Money for talking me into this. I didn't take much pushing, but hey, at least he pushed! I hope I make my new Blog Papa proud!

More to come....

posted by Johnny - Oh 


He thought if discretion is the better part of valor, and cowardice is the better part of discretion, then he would "Valiantly" hide in a closet. (misquoted from Douglas Adams)


03/28/2004 - 04/04/2004 / 04/04/2004 - 04/11/2004 / 04/11/2004 - 04/18/2004 /

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