Closet Extremist

Sunday, April 11, 2004
  Blog Muve

Howdy Folks!

My new site is still a work in progress, but I think it's in good enough shape to share with the class. Check me out at ClosetExtremist.mu.nu.

I'll leave this site up for awhile so that everyone can get thier links straightened out, then I'll probably just kill it. I've only been on blogger for a couple of weeks, so I'm not all that attached to it.

Drop on by.

posted by Johnny - Oh 


Friday, April 09, 2004
  I've somehow gained a few readers.....

Wonder how that happened?

It's no wonder that even my own Pappy won't link to me, without I have to trick him into it. I'm "boring."

Now I can take being called many things, but when you call me a "Liberal" then It's On! (Harvey called me that in a comment to this post.)

I threw down a gauntlet at the time, and (just as I figured) he's completely wussed out. I even offerred to share my booze with him, but nothing doing. Well, that's just not gonna do! I demand satisfaction. Beer bottles at twenty paces is what I want. If he won't face me, then I'll just start winging bottles into the elementary school playground, and I'm sure that nobody wants that. If there is no responce from him within 48 hours, I'm changing his link to read Nancy-Boy. I'm not kiddin'.

posted by Johnny - Oh

P.S. I'm looking for a "second" for the duel. Willie, are you up for it? 


  Aparrently I'm worthy.

Well, folks. It looks like I'm soon to be a Munuvian (If you don't already know what a Munuvian is, SHAME on YOU.), and I'm really looking forward to it. I have already been wanting to change things, and have a little more ability than blogspot can give me, and this is a damn fine opportunity. I'll post the URL as soon as it's set up. Many thanks and all that go to, Madfish Willie, and of course Pixy Misa for the invite.

I'll keep you posted.

posted by Johnny - Oh 


Thursday, April 08, 2004
  I am an "assertive" driver.

I am an “Assertive” driver.

As long as I’m on four wheels. “Two wheels” is a completely different thing, and I’ll get to it in a minute. The American Heritage Dictionary defines assertive as: Inclined to bold or confident assertion; aggressively self-assured, and this defines me perfectly behind the wheel. I am extremely confident (in my own abilities) when I’m driving. Other people…not so much. (Hey, I don’t know those people.)

The speed limit, for me, is not even merely a guideline, it’s something I view with disdain.70 mph? Mheh, I say. I’m also liable to add in the occasional “Piffle”, depending on my mood. Before I moved back to Knoxville, from Nashville, I made a trip “home” at least once every two weeks…averaging 45 seconds a mile.

What I’m trying to say is: I drive fast, but not dangerously. I realize that this may seem like a contradiction, but bear with me for a minute and let me explain. When the road is clear ahead of me, I’ll break 100 mph in a heartbeat, but if there is no room, I’ll hang back a little from the vehicle in front. I don’t tailgate at all unless I have been behind you in the fast lane for at least a minute, and I can see that there’s nothing ahead of you. (I run the Interstate with my headlights on at all times, so there’s no reason for you not to notice me behind you.) I don’t eat and drive, I don’t talk on the cell and drive, all I do is smoke cigarettes, jam on the stereo, and PAY ATTENTION.

Sure, I pass on the right, because the other drivers out there force me to. I always use my turn signals, so that other drivers know my intentions. I always slow down when driving conditions get treacherous (but only down to the speed limit, unless things are really hairy). My head is constantly on a swivel, looking out for the constabulary, the next turn or dip in the road, other drivers, and pretty much anything out there that might impede my progress. I don’t give people dirty looks, and I have the utmost respect for other folks’ right to use the same road I’m currently using.

I hope I’m not jinxing myself by saying this, but I haven’t had an auto accident in over 13 years. Despite my proclivity to run “faster than a raped ape.” I’m not reckless at all. I plan every move, make a decision, and fucking stick to it. Decisive. Aware. It’s the most “alive” that I generally feel. Outside of on 2 wheels. (Still to come)

A few simple rules:

1.) It’s your responsibility to reach the speed of traffic when entering the Interstate. In other words: when you are on that entrance ramp, you should have your foot pressed firmly to the floor until your vehicle is traveling at the same speed as the traffic on the highway.

2.) Vehicles already on the road automatically have the right of way. In other word: don’t expect me to make a hole for you if you are moving too slow, or don’t have your turn indicator on. If you don’t signify to me in some way that you’d like to be up on the same road as I am, don’t expect me to read your mind.

3.) If it comes to pass that I am on your bumper, get out of my way. In other words: I have better things to do with my life than wasting it waiting for you to get the hell out of my way.

BTW, I do all of this in a MiniVan.

(Finally) On a scooter, all bets are off.

I’ve been riding motorcycles since I was 15 years of age. As I like to say it: “My first car had 2 wheels.” My stomping grounds are the Deal’s Gap Dragon. This is a serious stretch of road. I describe it to people like this: "You will wear out your battery, blowing your horn at your own taillight. It's so twisty." I'v eridden it more times than I care to think about, and loved it every ride. Put me on 2 wheel's, and I am an instant adrenaline junky.

The rules are as follows: There are no rules.

I'll pass you any way I can. Inside-outside, wrong side of the road, on the line (white or yellow, dotted or double), it doesn't matter. Obviously I've crashed a few bikes. Only once into another vehicle though, and that was when I was 16. I've passed 2 semi's right beside one another on the dotted line. I've passed Maita's and Z3's in the Gap. I've dragged a peg or two in the process. I learned it all from my Dad, who was an MSF instructor.

Strange ain't it?

posted by Johnny - Oh


  Nyah, Nyah, Nyah

I just posted the three hundredth comment at Madfish Willie's Comment Party. I did it the cheap way, and I feel bad about that......Bwah HA HA HA ha hrmn cough cough. Sorry, I could't hold a straight face.

Where' my linky Harv?

posted by Johnny - Oh 


Wednesday, April 07, 2004
  I need to clean the saccharine out of my keyboard.

I just submitted my entry to be a judge for the "IMAO T-shirt Babe Contest", and I'm here to tell you that I have never sucked up to someone like that in my life.

I only bent my head down in order to get a chance to ogle some "Hot Conservative Chicks", which seem to be hard to find, and a potential Permalink. I never knew that being a "link whore" would take so much out of me. I think I'll go take a shower now, but I'm not sure if I'll ever get this greasy feeling off of me.

All thanks to Harvey for showing me the way.

posted by Johnny - Oh 


  I've been submitted...

...to become a card carrying member of the Rocky Top Brigade, but I fear that I might not meet one of the most important criterion. You see, I'm not much of a UT Volunteer fan.

WHAT!?!? you say? How on Earth can you live in Knoxville, TN and NOT be a Vol fan? Well it's not easy.

Lewis Grizzard once said that Vol fans "are the most obnoxious football fans on the face of the planet" (or something like that), and I am completely unable to disagree with him. You see, UT athletics really is a religion around here. People custom-order cars with the team colors, have thier boats painted in team colors, and thier entire wardrobe's contain absolutely nothing without the team's logo. You can't turn on the radio, or watch the news, without hearing some mention of the team. People around here put the "atic" back on the end of "Fan".

I'm just not that way. Sure I like sports as much as the next guy, and I'm not above rooting for the team, but I'll never be nearly as passionate about the Vols as even the "average" fan is. I hope this doesn't disqualify me for membership, but I don't hold out much hope.

posted by Johnny - Oh

Update: Where's my head? It was Uncle who submitted me. Credit where credit is due, and all that.  


  The ACLU is at it again.

Please see this story. ACLU to sue government over "No Fly" list.

Here's the quote I want to talk about:

"Few would line up in sympathy for a trial lawyer delayed for a few minutes at the airport every time he wants to hop on the plane," Nelson said in an interview. "But surely it affects individuals of color disproportionately, individuals of Arab descent or who practice the Muslim religion, and it's very much those people on my mind when I volunteered to be a named plaintiff."

Hey guess what Mr. Nelson, "People of Color" (ie: non-whites), "Individuals of Arab Descent", and people who "practice the Muslim Religion", are the ones most likely to commit acts of terrorism nowadays. With the fact that your name matches another's on the "No Fly List", you're lucky that the paranoia that the average populace feels about terrorism doesn't land you in a jail cell every time you try to fly.

Personally, I'd be just as pissed as you are if I was detained every time I tried to fly, but I certainly wouldn't go to the ACLU for a little law-suit action over it. Besides, if you want to sue someone over your perceived persecution, how about filing suit against Al-Queda, or Hamas, or even Osama Bin Laden over it. They're more likely to be the cause of your problems than the US Government.

posted by Johnny - Oh 


Tuesday, April 06, 2004
  So how'd I do?

I know there's only been a few posts here, but I've been steadily drinking throughout the evening. I've gone through approximately 1/4 of a 1.75 Liter bottle of 80 proof bourbon (Very Old Barton for the curious. It's cheap. Remember I'm working retail here.) and 4 beers. I think I've done a bang up job so far....Very few spelling mistakes, a range of subject matter, and a little bit of vitriol when necessary.

Let me know if I now "Suck like an Electrolux", or I'm now your "new hero." Either which, I'm glad to have you aboard.

Off to pass out sleep now.

posted by Johnny - Oh 


  I don't know what this means

It seems that since I started this here blog, I've suddenly become more interested in playing my guitar. I'm not sure if it's merely the creative juices that started flowing are overflowing like the bubbly in one of those champagne glass pyramids that you find at a swanky black tie party, or if it's just time to pick the damn thing up. For those who are curious, I am a terrible guitar player. I often lose my place in the song, and if I don't, my fingers don't go the correct place on the fretboard. This sucks extremely bad because I love the guitar.

So..."How do you get to Carnegie Hall?"...I'll be the first to admit to you that I don't practice nearly enough. Practice is boring! I don't want to spend my time playing myxolydian scales over and over, dammit i want to be a guitar genious right now!....Therefore I remain a terrible player at best. The only saving grace that I've got is that I can play all the "open" chords without thinking now, and I had a friend teach me that a "one, four, five" is the key to most songs.

Let me elaborate on the "one, four, five" concept for a bit: There are seven basic chords to a guitar, and they are listed as:

A,B,C,D,E,F,and G

If you can play these chords, you can write/play along with a lot of the songs out there today. A 1,4,5 is simply this: If you start with any chord as the basis of your tune, playing the fourth and fifith chord from the beginning chord will sound good.

ex: Start with A, both D and E will sound okay:


This is not the most common combination out there, but it is still used.

Start with G, both C and D will sound good:


You will hear this combination in most any "Hootie and the Blowfish" cut you've ever heard.

Also, startin with E, both A and B will work:


This one is used in so many blues songs it's not even funny.

Anyhow, this is how I muddle through with the guitar. Anytime I need to just "release" I'll pick up my axe and wail out something that includes a "1,4,5" and feel better about life in general. If you've ever wondered where the saying "three chords and the truth" came from...Now you know.

posted by Johnny - Oh 


  Current Playlist...

Here's what's in the old 5-disc changer this fine evening:

1.) Grand Funk Railroad: Collector's Series
Lots of great sing along's, and toe-tapper's, and the best version of "feelin' alright" I've ever heard.

2.) Kid Rock: Devil Without a Cause
A great record! Pretty much the whole first half of the CD is worth listening to IMHO.

3.) The Crow: "City of Angels" soundtrack
Terrible movie (no Brandon Lee), but a wonderful soundtrack. Hole, White Zombie, Filter, Bush, Korn, Iggy Pop, and an outstanding tune by Linda Perry featuring Grace slick called "Knock Me Out", that never fails to.

4.) Sting: Brand New Day
"Desert Rose" makes me think about the guys over in the sandbox. "Brand New Day" reminds me of a lot of mistakes I've made in past relationships. "Fill Her Up" is a crazy song that really shows Sting's range in musical talent. Starts off as a "Country" song, (Steel guitar and everything), evolves into a gospel tune, and then finishes up in a kind of freeform Jazz. Definately not a song for the musically pigeon-holed.

5.) Scott Miller & The Commonwealth: Thus Always To Tyrants
Scott is very popular in the Knoxville area. He hails from Virginia, and is (I guess) a sort of "Pop Folk" artist. His vocals are very distinctive, from his hit single "I Made a Mess of This Town" (Which is more of a Rock tune), to "Highland County Boy" which is just him, a harmonica, and a foot stomping. I had a chance to hang out and drink beer with him backstage after one of his shows, and he came off as a really nice guy.

I'm sure that I've violated some certain rules of "netiquette" by not posting links to all the bands, but that's just too much work for a "what I'm listening to" post.

posted by Johnny - Oh

P.S. BTW RIAA. These are all legally purchased copies of the cd's, so get off my back.  


  Al Sadr is doing exactly what I want him to.

In regards to this story.

He is firing up a whole lot of people over there who are against our cause, and they are coming out of the woodwork and attacking us. This is exactly what I want to happen. Of course, all the headlines are about how many American's and Coalition forces are getting killed in the process, and I'm sorry that those fine young folks have lost thier lives. The real point here is that the people who are against us are coming out of thier hiding places to attack us, instead of cowering in thier holes until they feel the time is right to pop up, shoot at us, and then hide behind inocents.

I prefer them to come out of hiding and engage our boys and girls over there. Especially those fine Marines of the First Expeditionary Force. I have faith that those kids can go toe to toe with anything the Evil Iraqis(tm) can throw at them. If they continue to come out, and attempt to deport themselves like a "Real" army, we'll hand thier heads to them every time. Please Al Sadr, keep sending them out. We'll keep mowing them down. Soon there won't be anyone else to send out, and we can truly pacify the regions currently in dispute. I'm sure that there are plenty of Iraqi citizens, who are with us 100%, who will be very happy to move thier family into your now empty house.

Keep directly fighting our Marines. Sure, you'll get a few of ours, but I am confident that we'll get so many of you that you will no longer be able to wage war in very short order. Thanks for the help in finding your guys, I'll take all we can get.

posted by Johnny - Oh

Update: I swear to any diety you wish that I didn't read this, before writing what I did above. Same premise, just orders of magnitude more eloquently written.  


  I finally lost a post

This one was totally brilliant too. Sure to send my personal star so far into the firmament that I would be renowned both Thither and Yon. Alas this exemplary piece of writing is lost to the ether, or the vagaries of the Linksys router that decided to disconnect me for some reason. But I will press on. My determination is steadfast, and my will is greater than any simple pile of transistors and sundry wiring. I will prevail!

But I won't try to recreate that post. It would only be a feeble facsimile of the original. I guess this should be impetus for me to write more huh?

I have decided that tonight would be a wonderful time to just get stinkin' drunk. I am off of work tomorrow, so I'll have time to recover. Therefore, for your amusement, I'll be blogging and commenting as frequently as I can bring myself to this fine evening. Let's all see together whether or not my invective will hold up while I'm innebriated. Should be fun.

posted by Johnny -Oh 


  I knew I was forgetting something

This post reminded me that I don't have Steven Den Beste's USS Clueless on my blogroll. This matter has been summarily corrected. That is all.

posted by Johnny - Oh 


  Obligatory "About Me" post

I guess this is past due so here goes.

I am a 33 year-old single white male.

I drink bourbon and smoke cigarettes.

I live in Knoxville, TN.

I have lived in: Johnson City, NY., Owego, NY., Murfreesboro, TN., Chattanooga, TN., Nashville, TN., Atlanta, GA., Chicago, IL., Groton, CT., Fayetteville, NC., and Cedar Rapids, IA.

My profession's have been: Asst. Manager of a fast food restaurant, UFTG US Navy, sun-room builder, commercial masonry laborer, parts man for a Honda dealership, warehouse manager for a home electronics repair shop, Tech support agent for a software company and an ISP, Supervisor for both of the previous, Operation's Analyst for a customer contact outsourcer, and currently in the lawn and garden dept. for a major retailer.

People say I look a little like Tim Curry and/or the lead guitar player for Metallica.

My favorite sports are: Racing (motorcyle road racing, Formula 1, Rally, NASCAR), Hockey, Baseball, and football. In that order. I cannot be considered a "Fanatic" of any of these activities. (I don't generally watch stats, and I won't go into mourning if I miss a race or my guy doesn't win.)

I ride (well rode, I'm still saving for a new bike) Motorcycle's, Shoot Pool , and now I blog.

I'll update this more as things change, or I think of anything else that should be here.

posted by Johnny - Oh 


Monday, April 05, 2004
  I can't disagree with him, but...

...his post made me want to flesh out a few more ideas. Here's the part that got me going:

Look, I know that the people in the White House can never, ever say that the real reason we went into Iraq was because Saddam tried to put the hit on Dubya's dad. But can the rest of us just stop pretending it was anything more than that? Please? And remember, I supported going into Iraq (on the grounds that Saddam was about 12 years past his expiration date), so I don't think I can just be written off as another liberal whiner on this point. I supported our president's decision to go to war on Iraq. I had absolutely no illusions as to why he decided to do it. Indeed, I submit that had 9/11 never happened, we'd still have had tanks trundling through Baghdad one way or another -- because Dubya would have found a way to make it happen. It was personal. Saddam was dead meat as soon as the Supreme Court gave Dubya the keys to the White House. Please, please, please let's all just agree on this so we can move on.

Try as I might, I can't fault his thinking here. My first gut reaction was to say that John's fulla shit, and that he's missing the point, but curse him, he's not. The 9/11 attacks were the perfect excuse for Dubya to go in there and take out Saddam with the blessings of the American citizenry. However, I believe that it is that very blessing that has changed the whole direction of this particular war. Your average American walking the streets, is fully prepared to believe that we went into Iraq to stop terrorism, and due to that, that is what our mission has become. It's a long term goal to be sure, but it's the best reason for us to stay in there and fight the good fight.

The thing to remember here is not the reason why we went in there, but the current objective. If we can convince the Iraqi's that some form of Liberal Democracy is the best way to govern themselves, and they are able to implement it successfully, there is an incredible amount of potential to stabilize the Middle-East. The problem is that the majority of those same Americans believe that we should be able to do this without any additional loss of life (on our side or thiers). This is so incredibly naieve that it borders on stupidity. We are trying to change a primarily Muslim, previously Theocratic Dictatorship, with a mostly ignorant citizenry, into a system based on our model. Of course, there's going to be trouble. The Muslim's have differing factions that will be at each other's throats, they've got to set up a secular education sytem for their children, and they've got to find a strong leader who does not have absolute power. Our new goal is to help them do it. Not an easy task, nor one conducive to "can't we all just get along" type sit ins. People are going to die.

What I believe John is trying to make clear here, is the fact that the reason we went into Iraq is now a moot point. We're there now, and leaving would just allow some different Saddam to sweep in, take over, and none of our problems with the area go away. The feeling I get from most "Warbloggers" and those of a generally conservative bent, is that they are focused on staying the course, and "who gives a damn about why we went there to begin with." Most of them have figured out that the situation has changed from a personal vendetta, to a possible solution to the whole Middle-East = terrorist breeding ground issue. All we are now doing is attempting to provide a secure enough infrastructure so that they can set up a government that can be recognized as an ally to our way of life. The kicker is that they have to set it up. We are nudging them in the direction that we want them to go, but if the Iraqi people don't put it in place for themselves, they won't defend it, and that is the real goal.

I can foresee a situation where we wind up creating another Isreal, but without all the "zionist conspiracy" bullshit to muddy the waters. The Iraqi's wind up being target #1 in our stead, and we provide them with the means to defend themselves. The religious factions continue to intermingle across the borders, and the other people's of the region can begin to hear about how much better Democtratic Freedom is over Theocratic Autocracy. After a few generations, we can hope to see the people of the surrounding countries rise up against thier current leaders, and install governments that we can work with also. This is not a fast process, and there will be quite a few lives lost on the way, but despite our reasoning for going there in the first place, I believe that this is the current goal, and a good one. That, and it's the only way we are ever going to get all these folks to change thier minds about us.

posted by Johnny - Oh 


Sunday, April 04, 2004
  Stickler for detail

I trust that everyone has set their clocks forward an hour? Good, because I hate it when people are lagging behind. I remembered last night, and was successful in getting all my non-automated clocks moved forward, but it appears that there is only one of my automated clocks that has figured out the time change. Surprisingly it was the VCR. Neither the digital cable receiver nor the cell phone have changed back to Eastern Standard Time. Wierd I tells ya. I would have thought that the VCR would have been the last to change over due to the fact that it pulls its time from the local PBS station, whereas the cable is Charter, and the cell is Verizon. I find it disheartening that 2 major corporations couldn't get thier shit together enough to have thier time-carrier updated, when the Government subsidized TV station gets it right in one.

Anyhow, we can all go back to using the abbreviation "EST" instead of the clunky "EDT." What? You say you've been using "EST" for the past few months? Shame on you! You should know the difference dammit! Beware folks, the "Correct Time Nazi" is now here, and he is ever vigilant!

posted by Johnny - Oh 


Saturday, April 03, 2004
  A chill ran through me on April first...

...and I had no idea why. I thought maybe a goose walked over my grave, or maybe a zombie was considering me for his next snack. Could it have been that I had just forgotten my jacket and there was a slight breeze? At the time I didn't know any better, and just got on with living the rest of my life. Eating, sleeping, laughing, crying, loving, hating, kitten birth, and masturbation. Little did I know that this was the cause of my unease.

4/1/04 Never forget.

posted by (a softly weeping) Johnny - Oh 


  I hate working weekends

Especially when I have to go in at 2pm, and stay until 11pm. Off to "Triple S" * and then to work.

posted by Johnny - Oh

* for those who've never been in the military, that's Shit, Shower, and Shave. 


  I am so ashamed

Friends, I stand here before you today to tell you that I am a filthy liar.

You see, 6 or 8 month's ago I told Frank J. (in a comment to one of his posts) that if I ever started a blog, he would be the first I linked to. I didn't do that. I mean, I didn't even get close to doing that. How am I going to be able to look myself in the mirror for the rest of my life knowing that I have let the fearless leader of the Alliance down?

Is it possible to get any forgiveness? Is there anything I can do to atone? I will commence beating myself with a homemade Cluebat (tm) until a proper punishment can be levee'd against me.

posted (in shame) by Johnny - Oh

Update: I just sent an email to Frank about what type of punishment I should expect. Check the next "Frank Answers" for results if any.  


  It's quints!

The "Fuzzmeister" had her kittens last night. Four cute little kitties, and all are doing quite well. :)

The best part of this whole thing is that my good name has been cleared. You see, the roommate's wife had accused ME of being the father. Now I'll freely admit that I'm not against gettin' a little "freaky" now and then, but even I draw the line at critters. Any mammal that cannot clearly enunciate that they're ready for a little "Bowm-chicka-bowmbowm" is strictly off limits. Luckily I have very dark hair, and the roommate's is predominantly grey. Lo' and behold, all four of them kittens have striped grey/black hair. Vindication! The downside of this is that I'll now have to keep close tabs on the roomate. :)

BTW for those who are interested: It was the soundtrack to "A Mighty Wind" that finally got the labor under way. Who knew that Christopher Guest, et al. had such power over the female uterus?

posted by Johnny - Oh 


Friday, April 02, 2004
  Make sure to remain afraid people.

Why the hell is this a story?

FBI (news - web sites) and Homeland Security Department officials said they had received uncorroborated intelligence reports about a plot by terrorists to target commercial transportation systems. The bulletin, issued late Thursday, mentioned no specific cities or dates and did not elaborate on the source of the information.

Is it just me, or has pretty much everyone else in the free (or not so free) world already figured out that terrorists want to kill Americans? Hmmn, and what is your average terrorist's Modus Operandi? Could it be something like...

bombs hidden in bags or luggage ??

Now I'm all for remaining vigilant and watching out for things that look amiss, but I'm just not prepared to look in every unspecified city, on every unspecified date, for things that pertain to uncorroborated reports. This entire story is nothing but 20 paragraphs of complete bullshit. Well polished bullshit to be sure, but a polished turd is still a turd. I guess that the Associated Press is really hurting for stories, so they figure they'll stir up all the lemmings out there with another round of "Death is at you doorstep."

What bothers me is that people will actually get stirred up by this kind of thing. They're the same type of people that would get upset if you walked up to them and said something like, "I heard a report from a guy that on a Saturday night there will potentially be a drunk driver who might run into you and your family, the results of which may be injury or death." What kind of editor lets this idiocy turn into an actual story? I mean that the lines for this type of story are so far apart that it only takes a glance to "read between" them. We got nothin' so.....Booga! Booga!. I wonder what kind of water cooler talk I'll hear about this "story?" I hope someone says something about it to me, I'm in the mood to give someone a well needed correction.

posted by Johnny - Oh 


  Cat & Dog sitting...

Well, my roomate and his wifey left to take their daughter to her first parade as a cheerleader, and I'm holding down the fort. Part of my duties today, are to make sure that the cat and dog remain properly entertained. I can only pray that they don't suffer from pattern deafness due to my indiscretions this day. You see, I like music.....LOUD music. I cannot indulge myself in this very often, therefore when I get the house to myself for awhile, the speakers get turned up to 11!

I also play a little guitar (no not a Ukelele, idiot), so I find myself playing along with the "Good" songs. (The definition of a "Good" song is: any song I can play along with.) The poor puppy is a miniature dachsund named Hobbit, and he is also known as "All the Love All the Time Hobbit" as he is very needful of attention. It pisses him off when I'm sitting here blogging due to the fact that I can't have him in my lap and type at the same time. Luckily, he is scared to death of my guitar, so that's a sure way to get him out of the room. Hmm, I wonder if that's just a commentary on my playing skills. I'll ask him later.

Now the cat is just a plain old black cat. Why he named her "Fuzzball" is probably obvious. (At least he didn't name her Fluffy.) The poor thing is currently in the latter stages of her pregnancy, and we expect her to literally explode with kittens anytime. Normally she is very aloof towards me and maintains a sort of "Don't step on me and I'll let you live" kind of attitude. This is fine with me, as I am generally not much of a cat person. I can live with them (obviously), but I would never own one of my own. The problem with this one is that due to some strange hormonal imbalance, I am now the center of her world. Those little green eyes have been almost constantly staring up at me today, and I've been peppered with so many "meow's" that say "get these damn things OUT of me" that I'm tempted to fetch a wooden spoon from the kitchen and just get to work.

At least she doesn't leave the room when I'm playing my guitar. Maybe cats have a little class after all.

posted by Johnny - Oh

P.S. I'll let you know if Grand Funk Railroad or Pure Prairie League will induce labor.  


  Interesting listen

I went over to Lilecks' site for my week-daily read, and ran across his link to one of Hugh Hewitt's radio shows. This particular show includes Lilecks and Glenn Reynolds of Instapundit. It's enlightening to hear these blog mavens talk about the blogosphere, instead of just reading their sites. If you've got a decent web connection, and a little time. Check it out at KLRA. Just click on the "Today's show" link below Hugh's picture.

Update: They even have Roger Simon on the show.

posted by Johnny - Oh 


  The ADD phenomenon

So what is it that makes us drug up our children? Is it that it's much easier to just pop a few pills into them instead of trying to engage their brains? I recall being 8 or 9 years old, and instead of paying attention to the lesson in class, I was reading an Alan Dean Foster novel. It wasn't that the book was the best thing I'd ever read, it's just that the class was boring the hell out of me. This was at least the third time we'd been through the same subject, so I found something else to take up the time. No harm, no foul. I still managed to get out of the grade with an A average.

Nowaday's though, if I'd been caught reading a book not supplied by the shool during class, they'd be shoving so many pills down my throat I'd still be coming down off the buzz. Now I don't want to sound like a braggart here, but according to an aggregate of several online IQ tests, I come in around 165 or so. Take that into account with my A.S.V.A.B. (Armed Services Vocational Aptitude Battery) score of 99 out of a possible 100, and I think it's reasonable to say that my brain actually works. It's a little more difficult to tell when you're 9, but I still think that maybe teachers and parents should consider the fact that the child might actually be intelligent before drugging them to oblivion. I know, I know, that would require some effort to be put forth from a busy adult, but who knows?

I just can't abide the fact that these people are stifling a potentially brilliant mind, before it even gets the chance to begin to realize its potential. It's morally and socially irresponsible. Friends don't let friends do drugs? But it's okay for the parent/offspring relationship. Give me a break people. Make an effort.

posted by Johnny - Oh 


  I mean....Just...Wow! Susie over at Practical Penumbra not only linked to me, but gave me my Own category on her blogroll. I mean I knew I was good, but I never expected something so sweet. Thanks for the warm welcome. I'll be sure to stalk visit you often.

posted by Johnny - Oh 


  Hey kids, You like the Photoshop?

If you've never been to Something Awful, and experienced a Photoshop Phriday you really should take your butt over there.

Lots of images, and every week I find something there that makes me chuckle. Enjoy!

posted by Johnny - Oh 


Thursday, April 01, 2004
  I've been outed!

Well the blog daddy Harvey went and linked to a post of mine. I guess this is what the Big Time feels like. I'm on my way and there's no stoppin' me. I'm gonna be the next Tim Curry/Stephen King's second cousin! You just wait!

posted by Johnny - Oh 


  Ominous portents.

I'm sure that this news story Gruesome Iraq Images Could Shake U.S. Opinion will be the nail in the coffin for the Bush campaign. Just shut down the whole works now. I mean who knew that these people could be ignorant and brutal in the extreme? I know I was shocked. (/sarcasm)

I've said before (not here obviously) that the only way to make peace in the middle east is to "Force Freedom" on them. That's what we are in the process of doing. If we pull out like we did in Mogadishu, this whole effort will have been wasted, and it'll be much harder next time.

I'm terribly sorry about the fate of these four soldiers. It makes me want to force a little more freedom on them, and do it indiscrimenantly in the greater Faluja area. But alas, we are a civilized people, and we give them treatment unlike what they so richly deserve. It would also be counter-productive to the cause. Maybe if we do like we've done with Isreal...arm the piss out of the good guys, and then turn them loose to fight for their own freedom. Who know's?

posted by Johnny - Oh 


  The Gay Marriage post I promised you.

So I've stated that I support gay marriage. This may seem contrary to most Right-leaning people, but being an athiest gives me kind of a different take on the subject. I look at the historical similarities between homosexual behaviour, and the stigma against pork that jewish folks have. The rule about no pork is so simple to figure out that I'm surprised that more people don't comment on it. Eat too old, or improperly prepared pork, and you die. (I can't remember the name of the disease. I always think of Salmonella, but I know that's from chickens.) Now back when this rule was put in place, that one or two extra kids around the house could mean the difference between life or death for the whole family or tribe. The thing about gay people is that they are causing the same problem on the front end of the equation, instead of the back end (kinda sounds weird after rereading that). Instead of ending needed lives prematurely, they are not even starting them in the first place. Same problem, just a different way of getting there. Also (aside from the practical matter of survival of survival of the species) there's the whole "Eeeeeeewww" factor.

Now all of us know that gay folks are to be found all throughout history. They are mentioned in a ton of historic manuscripts, not the least of which, the Bible. This makes me believe that there is a certain built-in thing to us homo sapiens that says that some of us are going to gravitate towards members of the same sex. Whether it's voluntary or genetic really has nothing to do with it. They've been around long enough for us heteros to have realised that they're not going to go away. Okay let's fast forward 2 or 3 thousand years.

I believe that everyone can agree that a large percentage of gay people are very sexually promiscuous, right? Why is that? Could it have something to do with the fact that their behavior has been socially demonized for so long? I liken it to the "Catholic Schoolgirl" syndrome. Whereas, someone who has been under strict supervision for the majority of their developing years, suddenly gains a lot of freedom (off to college, etc) and bam! They just go nuts and engage in a wild revelry of experimentation with everyone and everything they can get their hands on. Some recover, some don't. Most of the "schoolgirls" do recover, because they actually have a chance to pick a proper mate and settle down. Gays have never had that opportunity, therefore they keep up their wild ways, and end up spreading some of the worst diseases around.

I think that the best reason to allow gay marraiges is because it's never been tried (as far as I know). We can get rid of a lot of civil unrest from that quarter, and it also has the potential to get a percentage of gay people to settle down who never would have. Monogamous relationships = less hanky panky. Less hanky panky = decrease in the spread of disease. Calmer citizenry, less disease, it's a win/win scenario. It's never been tried, so who's to say it won't work?

We all know that a nice "Barbecue Pork-Pig Sandwich" is very unlikely to kill us nowadays, so why can't we accept the fact that with the world's population steadily growing, gays are not going to increase that problem much at all. Get over the "Eeeeewww" factor if you can. You don't have to watch them do it, and you will be less likely to run accross a couple of sweating businessmen in the locker room at the gym if they can do it in the privacy of their own wedded home. Let's just update our thinking a little bit, and give them a chance.

posted by Johnny - Oh



Wednesday, March 31, 2004
  So what kind of blogger are you, Johnny?

Well I'll tell you pilgrim. It is most likely that I won't wind up shoehorned into any specific category. That's my intention at least.

I am a generally right-leaning, conservative (in the current-popular instead of the literal definition) type of individual, who has an interest in politics. Is politics my life-blood? Well....not as such.

I am a staunch supporter of the Second Amendment. I think that you are welcome to not own a weapon if you so choose, but the Constitution of the United States gives all of us the Right to them. Whether it scares you or not.

I am an athiest. Don't get me wrong here, I think that religion has its place and faith can move mountains, but just because you happen to hold to the tenets of your preferred faith, that doesn't make me a "heretic." Please extend me the same courtesy. The only thing that upsets me about being an athiest is the fact that I cannot run for the legislature in the state of Tennessee. It says right in the state Constitution that you cannot run for office if you don't believe in "God" so I'm out right there. Bummer. Besides, I'm not a lawyer so I think that government service is not in my near future.

I am ex-Navy, so I am very sympathetic to the "Military" point of view, but I know that I don't have the right type of disposition to put up with the bullshit that those fine folks have to every day.

I enjoy history. Studying it and trying to find my place in it. I also attempt to apply lessons learned from other people's mistakes.

I believe that the First Amendment is the key to our society. Anyone has the right to express their opinion, and everyone has the right to ignore said opinion. Libel and slander (ie.outright lying) are not things that are protected by the First Amendment.

If I'm wrong about something (and you are the one to point it out), I will freely admit my fallability (and give you credit for steering me onto the correct path).

I think that Isreal has some of the bravest and most compassionate citizenry, until you try to blow them up. I also think that they are some of the most patient folks on the face of the planet. Any other country would have either blown the palistinians off the planet, or completely capitulated to them by now. They haven't. Good folks.

I think that gay people should be allowed to marry. I'll create a special post on this subject sometime soon. (I know, I know. everyone's already been over this subject, but I just started this blog.)

I believe that this covered most of the big topics out there, and you'll here from me about all the rest as they coime to me.

posted by Johnny - Oh



  Have you ever been disrespected just because you are in a certain profession?

I certainly have, and it pisses me right the hell off! Let me give you a little background before the scenario.... I am a professional techno-geek Supervisor/Analyst who left his last job because it was too far away from home (ie. 250 miles away), and I felt my career was stalling, so I quit and moved back home (Knoxville, TN). After I'd taken some time to get my head together, I started the job search and found that the well is pretty dry around here for someone of my experience. So, when the money started to get a little tight, I went and applied at my local large chain retailer. I am currently employed in the Lawn and Garden Department, and outside of the pittance of a salary, the job's not so bad. That should get everyone up to speed so...

Since it is now (obviously) Springtime (tm) our department is Extremely busy. So while I am working to assist one customer with her purchase, another customer asks me if I can price check an item for him. I say "Certainly Sir, just as soon as I'm done helping this nice lady", which is what I proceeded to do. About 4 minutes later, I return to the area where the gentleman who needed the price checked WAS, and found one of my coworkers had assisted him. (here's the part that gets my goat) My coworker decides that this is the time to teach me that when a customer asks about the price of a particular item (in this case a 50 lb. bag of grass seed) that I should "look for the little tag, see it's right here, and get a piece of paper and write down the number underneath the little lines."

Okay, how many of you out there already figured out that he is talking about the Fucking BAR CODE? This nitwit automatically assumed that I had no idea what I was doing, instead of engaging a few brain cells and actually noticing that I (and everyone else for that matter) am busy. Now, I understand that I have only been working there two weeks, but come on. Who the hell Doesn't know that a bar code is what makes the little machine that that takes the money go "boop", and the little lines are just representations of the numbers written below them? I'm sure that everyone has run across an individual in a retail store in which "Cross-eyed and droolin' " is his/her natural state, but it is my contention that you've got to be a special kind of stupid to not know what a bar code is. That asswad just automatically intuited that I only have 2 brain cells, one blond and one tired. I'm telling you folks. If you want to get waaay under my skin, just go ahead and assume that I am ignorant before you actually find out if I know anything or not. If (after such an episode) you find that you have to wait for me to shit out your head after I've bitten it off, don't come bitching to me.

i'm just saying that you really should give people the benefit of the doubt, before going off half-cocked. Wait for them to prove their ignorance/stupidity before giving them information. For the love of all that is holy, just give them a chance. If they fuck it up, then help 'em. They'll learn a lot more from their mistake, and you'll decrease the risk of becoming a "shithead" literally.

I'm not sayin' nothin'...I'm just sayin'

posted by Johnny-Oh 


  Well, I thought that it was about time to come out of the closet. My name's Johnny, and I'll be your extremist today. Please return all seat backs and tray tables to their full upright and locked position, and keep all arms and legs inside while the vehicle is in motion. Cell phone use in not allowed while the film is running, and the baccarat tables are half-price for our honored guests.

Since this is my first post on my first blog, I don't expect anyone to come here for awhile. But...I have plans to move this thing up the charts so far that I won't even be able to remember the little people I stepped on to get there. :)

All thanks to Harvey of Bad Money for talking me into this. I didn't take much pushing, but hey, at least he pushed! I hope I make my new Blog Papa proud!

More to come....

posted by Johnny - Oh 


He thought if discretion is the better part of valor, and cowardice is the better part of discretion, then he would "Valiantly" hide in a closet. (misquoted from Douglas Adams)


03/28/2004 - 04/04/2004 / 04/04/2004 - 04/11/2004 / 04/11/2004 - 04/18/2004 /

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